Loneliness

As each day comes and goes, there is something within the me that is left here that keeps returning to the fear I have had deep inside me of losing you.

I've told myself I would die without you,

I couldn't make it in this life without you

beside me in what ever way you could

be.

With each sunrise I prayed " Please

Lord, allow me to open my eyes and by

some miracle let this man I love be here

beside me"

With each sunset I prayed" Please Lord,

allow me to close my eyes and feel this

man I love here next to me"

Yet, as each sun would rise shinning

so bright, and as each night fell upon

me, you were not here in the flesh for

me to reach out to and love. But you

were here in my heart and in my soul.

There was no distance I wouldn't go for

you, to be with you, to see you , to love

you.

There was nothing I wouldn't do. You

were my life line so it seemed.

The times apart began to be longer, and

there were times there would be no

word for months. The pain was nothing

like I had ever experienced in my life.

When you would come back, it was

always the same. You would act as if

nothing had changed it seemed. All the

while all I wanted to do was scream

from the highest building, " Do you see

me here, do you see my tears, do you

feel my pain" do you see what you have

done to me yet again?

You said you knew and were sorry. But

for some reason I grew further away

from you. I didn't feel it any longer. I

couldn't feel the you that use to be so

deep inside me. I could barely breathe.

Was I letting go? Was my heart truly on

the mend from the you that had taken

control of it for so long? Was I now

moving on?

I don't know the answer to those

questions yet in my life. I am still in the

"surviving" mode. I am still trying to

heal from the you that has enbedded its

self so far inside my soul that I have

nothing left.

Some days are better than others. And

I'm sure as my life moves forward, I will

always somehow come back to that

place of the "us" that use to be here,

the place I could always go to, to feel

the " us in love" that was once here.

I will always love you. I will forever have

a special place in my heart that no other

will be allowed that far, but for now I

can safely say I am trying to close a

book in my life, and am trying to heal the me that has been so damaged.

It doesn't mean I don't want you, need

you, love you, or desire you. It doesn't

mean that there is a distance I wouldn't

go for you. I would still go any distance

there was in life for you. There's never

a day your not still here with me in

some way, and maybe someday that

will mean you are closer to me than

others. It means I am trying with all my

soul to heal "me".

You see there's no place too far for the

love you are destined to be with forever,

and there's not ever a day worth not

waiting for them.

There's never a day I wouldn't give

anything to be with you, there's never a

day I wouldn't wait for you.

There is a time and a place for all things

in this life, and someday it's my true

belief that you will be here.

And for today, this is where my heart

and soul are. Trying to heal the "me"

that has been hurt.